20/20.

Good Morning Journal, I said I was coming back. So I am coming back. I’m sitting in the car again, waiting for the kids and Kimmy to get out of playgroup. I can't quite put my finger on it, but for some reason I feel better. Like I’ve left everything behind that was dragging me down. Ive also forgotten about the demons of my past. Ironic, considering the book I’m publishing is a memoir. Gosh. I hope this isn’t early onset bipolar depression kicking in... but I really feel different. Or at least I am starting to. On day 8 of this New Year, I have met with several realities. Some amazing, some maybe not so appealing… but I met with them, I look at myself in the flip-down mirror of the sun-visor, and I see what I’ve become. The best way I can describe my situation is like I’ve broken up with my past, however we are still friends. We overcame that impossible cliché of still being friends after splitting up. The best part is Kimmy likes her- my past, that is. I’ve gotten all I can from living in the past, but we still can get together for lunch and remember the good times. But wow, it feels amazing to live in this year. For the first time my emotions have gone through a resettlement back into the present. 8 days into 2020, and I’ve got 20-20 sight. My realities are as follows-

I have a beautiful wife that I only found by the grace of god.

I have two amazing children.

My childhood was far from normal. So much so, that the best and worst moments were enough to compile into a book!

I found my purpose in life before age 25.

I discovered and I am pursuing work that will allow me to set my own hours and be with my family.

Quite a few people don’t understand me. I am just beginning to understand myself.

My world view has shifted. Ive learned the value of people. Time is more important than things. For the first time, I’m seeing that materialism won’t get me to where I want to be.

My father died at 46. Though he may not have known it- on a literal sense his midlife crisis was me. I was almost exactly half my father’s age when I started to write.

Through writing, I have found more freedom than I could have ever dreamt about. The more I go down this path, Opportunities keep coming out of nowhere.

This is where I need to be.