25.

I write this at age twenty-four. By the time I hit the upload button, I’ll have been 25 for one day. It feels good to be firmly planted in my mid 20s. My early 20s are behind me. Though I know I’m still a ‘kid’ to many people in my life, I can’t help but notice startled I become when I’m referred to as a grown-up.

I’m wrapping up my first quarter-century on this earth. I’m not sure how I’m doing. I feel fear, even panic at times when I think about the ‘common milestones’ that one should meet by age 25. As for me, I’m married with two children and a dog. I started a career that I love. Really, I think this virus thing is getting to me. I pace back and forth down the halls of my home. One would think this would be a perfect environment to write in. For some reason things have only just begun to click for me. I spent the first few weeks absolutely numb. I’d stare into nothingness as I watched the blinking cursor of the blank document. My mind would be as blank as the beige walls around me. I think I am getting acclimated. Noise canceling headphones are key.

Journal, you want to know what’s really going on? I have a secret. Even for all the cabin fever and yelling going on around me, the screaming children… well, I can’t easily tune out something that I love so much for another thing that I love to do. I really enjoy writing. And now I’m blessed to have it be my full-time job. Over these last couple of months, I’ve become mesmerized by how awesome my family is. When I’m in my office—(read hiding in my bedroom) so I can get work done, I can’t stop thinking about the two kids just down the hall from me. They aren't going to social activities and more. The kids are right there, whenever I want them, which is pretty much all time! But here’s the problem, when I spend my time with my family I feel guilty for not working on my book promotion or my next manuscript. How the flippity- flap do people leave their work 'at work' when they work at home?

It’d be absolutely fine if I didn’t have to protect Kimmy and the kids from the fact that I found my family for a found myself. It makes things quite challenging. My 25 year old self is quaking in his boots right now. If my early 20s self could advise the future me, he would say a couple things. First, he would tell me that I’m a beard guy. The mustache thing is not working, and probably never will. I was cursed with a baby face and I will always require at least a goatee— weather concealed by a face mask or not. Second, I think that my early twenties self would repeat something I learned in my teens— Relax. Keep a steady speed. Use momentum as a tool to regain control. When stop, everything needs to work together to get through challenge. If I take a breath and pause, I think everything will turn out alright. That is… when my beard grows back. It’ll be interesting to see where I am at 50.