Rush.

Journal, do you have children? I’m not sure how you would. I just thought about the mechanics involved in putting together a belief system dealing with life and death, deity, sin, etcetera... and my head is starting to hurt. I’m not going to even try to investigate that rabbit hole today. But seriously, do you have kids? This whole parenting thing is a lot more emotionally taxing than the sales booklet let on. I think the hardest parts of it all are the highs and lows. I don’t have experience with recreational drugs, but I’m pretty confident in my belief that kids are more of a rush than any other substance known to humankind.

When I’m with them, Sometimes I just breathe it in and fall back into a cloud. I see them learn something new everyday. It seems Like they also forget something every day.

I long for the days that, according to Elizabeth, a piggy said “Nak! Nak!”

Charlotte recently put together her first sentence. She picks up everything she can carry, hauls it across the room, and proudly exclaims “Here go!” after offering each item to me. She lets out a grunt with satisfaction, knowing she has fulfilled her duty as appointed “Stuff Gatherer.” I know she won’t do this forever, so I inhale it. I savor it. I record it. I have a secret though.

It’s kind of embarrassing. Writing it out, it makes even less sense. I can’t help but think about the inevitable. Them leaving. I realize that I sound like a bumbling loser, thinking about this when my oldest daughter is three. But a 6th of her childhood is gone! A 4th of her pre-teenage life has already passed.

They grow up so freaking fast. My youngest, she not only walks but she is starting to TALK! Is it normal for time to go by so quickly? I don’t mean this to sound depressing. Because it’s really not. Through the miracle of flash storage, the internet, and pocket-size video recording devices, I’m able to immortalize— to a point, my little Lizzie and Charlotte at every adorable age.

I did not know what this “Daddy” thing was when I picked it up. But now I am addicted. It turns me into a paranoid maniac who is only concerned about where my drugs are, if they are safe and protected, when I will get another hit, and what’s coming next.

I don’t think I will ever be able to quit them.

Here-go