Daddy Issues- a Series. Part 1

Hello journal. I just got beat up by a three year-old girl. I hurt, but there is a story. This is not a story to judge by a photo alone. so I write, at 11:00 PM. I’ve another sin to confess to you. My daughter, the older one- Lizzie… My relationship with her has been rocky for quite some time. She can be a stubborn “Little $#!+ pot,” as Grandma Parkin would say. With me, $#!+ pot is Lizzie’s default demeanor. My goal is to change that. Lizzie doesn’t let me do anything for her. If I try, she screams in a pitch suitable for “You’re not my dad!” and Dang it— I’m done, Journal! I’m. Sooo freakin done. With that off my chest, let’s go through my week’s highlights!

Monday-

We went to Costco. Again, Lizzie was adamant about mom pushing the cart. I looked at my surroundings. I didn’t see anyone that I knew or would likely see again, I saw the wholesale goods arranged around me in a strikingly Tower of Babel-like fashion. My internal tower got a bit too high when I heard Lizzie scream for the umpteenth time “Not Daddy! MOMMY PUSH IT!!!” I surveyed for acquaintances. Anyone that we might ever see again… Nobody. I was clear, and I lost all shame. I had ID. I could figure it out if she pulled the “You're not my dad!” routine… I whispered to Kimmy, “Ignore me. I got this”.

“No Lizzie. Daddy is going to push.” I had enough. End o’ my rope situation going on.

“NAAAAAAAAAAOO! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! I WANT MY MOMMY!! WHERE IS MOMMY? I DON’T LIKE YOU!

I went somewhere less crowded. Though I could explain my way through it and identify myself, deep down inside, I didn’t really want to go through an amber alert thingy… Alone on the far side of Costco,

“Lizzie, Mommy is not an option right now. She is going to pick something up at the other end of the store. Tell me, what do you want?”

“I want Mommy to push!”

“You want Mommy to push the cart?”

“Ah Huh.” *starts sucking fingers*

“Okay. Why do you want Mommy to push the cart?”

“Because I want her to. I like her. I don’t like you Daddy!”

“You don’t like me?”

“NO.”

“Why not? I like you. I Love you!”

“I Don’t love you. I love Mommy doh.”

“Okay. That really hurts Daddy’s feelings.”

“…”

“You want Mommy to push you?”

“Uh Huh.”

Okay. Let’s go find her.”

We met Kimmy at the middle of Costco. And Mommy did start pushing. Almost immediately after, Lizzie has a question for her. “Mommy. Can I have Ice-cream?” (Costco has amazing frozen treats in their food-court)

I wanted to say something. But before I could get the words out, They came out of Kimmy’s mouth. “NO Lizzie! You’ve done nothing but scream and yell, make Daddy feel bad, and cause a scene. I am so done!

With an internal validation suppressed, I couldn’t help but take it up a notch. “Lizzie, I was going to surprise you with cherry Ice-cream, and a cheeseburger from Costco, I would have gotten you any kid’s soda you wanted. But you wouldn’t let me push you, and now I don’t really want to. Maybe next time.”

We got to the car. Time for buckling of the kiddles. I asked Kimmy if she wanted to buckle lizzie, she was less than enthusiastic about it.

“Fine you take Charlotte. I’ll take Lizzie.” My time to shine. It was like trying to restrain a prisoner, but I finally got the little girl into her car-seat. and the best part was-- Nobody called the police!

We started to drive home with her wailing in the back seat. Charlotte sitting uncomfortably close to her, I smiled a bit as I tried to read her facial expressions Char looked like she was sitting next to a potentially unstable subway passenger. No eye contact- pretending that lizzie wasn’t even there. “There’s no place like home.” might’ve been Charlottes internal monologue as Lizzie screamed herself into sleep in the back seat.

She woke up and we fed her Mac & Cheese when we got home. I think she finally realized she didn’t get her way. We played some video games on the old Nintendo, then bedtime. I read a story to her for the first time since she was a baby, without Mommy.

Sleep.